It’s a complicated time to talk about solitude.
A percentage of Americans grapple with the fear of being alone, dubbed as “monophobia” or “autophobia”. (A global pandemic DIDN’T help us out much in this department!)
The medical community has published findings that loneliness (and its destructive wake) in America is at an all-time high.[i] And yet, being “alone” doesn’t necessarily equal being “lonely”. (Ever felt lonely in the middle of a crowd?)
Some suggest loneliness is less about who’s around, and more about the lack of healthy relational connection, a dilemma further complicated by the role of technology.
We’re both dazzled by a new frontier of tech like we’ve never seen before, but we’re equally concerned about the dangerous physiological effects of excessive screen time.
Terms like “mindfulness”, “grounding”, and “self-care” are circulating all over. It seems like outdoor recreation and mental health are making a comeback.
It feels like we, as a culture, are trying to figure out what we really need as it pertains to our humanity and our surroundings.
As followers of Jesus, what are we supposed to think about it all? What role does “solitude” play in our cultural moment? What is it? What isn’t it? Is it possible it’s the most underrated thing we all need?
WHAT IT’S NOT:
First of all, what ISN’T solitude?
It’s not merely being physically alone. It’s possible to have plenty of “solo” time in your daily routine and never truly experience solitude. Solitude, rightly understood, is about intentionally quieting your soul and your surroundings. Solitude doesn’t happen on accident.
It’s not being lonely. If we hope to embrace a healthy, Scriptural version of solitude, we need to recognize its distinction from loneliness. Loneliness is a negative emotion that reveals real or perceived unmet relational desires. Solitude is a state of intentional alone time for the positive purpose of renewal or reflection. Author John Thomas helps us with this:
“…could it also be the case that the loneliness epidemic is not simply a result of being alone more often, but of being unprepared for alone time? Instead of conceptualizing alone time as healthy and productive — as solitude — it is viewed as a menace, a problem to be solved. If as a society we sought not to eradicate loneliness but to cultivate the capacity for solitude would we not be better served?”
Sherry Turkle, Author and Professor at MIT, said it this way: “If we don’t know the satisfaction of solitude, we only know the panic of loneliness.”It’s not the absence of community. Thinker and lover of God, Donald Whitney, provides this perspective:
“Biblical reality calls us to family, fellowship, evangelism, ministry, and other aspects of life together in the local church for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. And yet, sometimes our souls crave separation from the noise and crowds into silence and solitude. Just as we must engage with others for some of the disciplines of the Christian life, so there are times when we must temporarily withdraw into the disciplines of silence and solitude…Without silence and solitude, we can be active, but shallow. Without fellowship we can be deep, but stagnant. Christlikeness requires both sides of the equation.”
Jesus Himself taught us the value of solitude by example. Drawing away for solitude should not come at the expense of community. Instead, it is a discipline that should grow in tandem with the discipline of cultivating community.
WHAT IT IS:
Donald Whitney once again helps us out with this definition for solitude: “Solitude is the Spiritual Discipline of voluntarily and temporarily withdrawing to privacy for spiritual purposes.”
The value of solitude is its ability to clear off the mental clutter and set the table for spiritual renewal. Solitude isn’t an end in itself. Rather, solitude serves us by creating an atmosphere for our souls to finally commune with God.
CLEAR OFF THE CLUTTER
Solitude cuts through the siren calls of earthly pursuits. Author Greg Morse paints this (all-too relatable) picture:
“When I desire the world, when I grow too busy to be alone with God, when the world in my pocket entices me more than the world of the Scriptures, my soul stretches and thins, ‘like butter scraped over too much bread.’ My weakened desires take me away from God into my phone. I follow Jonah into the Tarshish of technology. And when I set sail several times, it becomes easier and easier to go again, and harder and harder to sit with God as before. My soul fidgets, anxious for something, anything to distract and entertain me. As I stick my hand in again and again for more and more salty snacks, my appetite for the great feast diminishes.”
In his book, “Wisdom Pyramid,” author Brett McCracken describes our dance with social media this way:
“The sickness I feel – which so many people feel – is akin to that of the slot machine addict. We’ve been conditioned in a Pavlovian way to keep putting proverbial coins in the machine. The dings and flashes of our push notifications give us dopamine hits that keep us hooked, as they were engineered to do. We want to see who pinged us, what people are saying about our photos, and what’s getting the mobs riled up today. IT’s terrible for us, and we know it, but it’s like other vices – alcohol, tobacco, sugar – it’s addictive.”
The answer isn’t villainizing media or technology. However, we need to have a realistic grasp on whatever it is that distracts us, for it has the counterfeit capacity to consume our time and captivate our hearts.
SET THE TABLE
Distractions in check. Deep breaths taken. Now what? What actually happens in solitude?
For the believer, solitude is more about PRESENCE than it is about PRIVACY. Fellowship with God is the truest reward of solitude.
Author David Mathis gets to the heart of solitude here:
“…Merely getting away isn’t enough. There is benefit to be had in just letting your soul decompress and getting out of the concrete jungle, enjoying nature, and letting your soul breathe fresh air. But there’s nothing distinctly Christian about that. For those of us who are in Christ, we want to come back better, not only rested, but more ready to love and sacrifice. We want to find new clarity, resolve, and initiative, or return primed to re-double our efforts, by faith, in our callings in the home, among friends, at work, and in the body of Christ.
Getting away, quiet and alone, is no special grace on its own. But the goal is to create a context for enhancing our hearing from God in His word and responding back to Him in prayer. Silence and solitude, then, are not direct means of grace in themselves, but they can grease the skids…for more direct encounters with God in His word and prayer.”
Here are a few ideas:
Be still. Acknowledge that, despite the contents of your day, your week, this month – God is sovereignly in control, seated on the Throne. He is not in a hurry, even though you may have been. You can find rest here.
Recognize God’s glory in all that surrounds you. Apart from Him, nothing was made that has been made. (John 1)
His ingenuity and brilliance are written all over the created world.
Let the evidence of His glory lead you to praise. Give your mind space to reflect on His many attributes, one after another.
Lean into gratitude. Start by thanking God for those blessings that easily come to mind (i.e. your family, a place to live, a job, a car to drive, etc.). Then, enter into thankfulness for the spiritual blessings He has given you in Christ. (Hint: You could use Ephesians 1 for this!)
Meditate on and memorize a verse or passage of scripture.
Pray. The “A.C.T.S.” method (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) is a great place to start.
START SMALL; START SOMEWHERE.
Start small.
Susanna Wesley, wife to evangelist Charles Wesley, in a houseful of children, was known to pull her apron over her head when she needed solitude. Doubtless, the fabric did little to diminish the noise or the chaos around her, but in that small “tent”, Susanna found a haven from the distractions and met with God. Maybe you don’t have an hour every morning. Maybe you have 5 minutes on your front porch at the end of the day. Claim it. The Lord will meet you there.
Start somewhere.
As stated earlier, the world knows the value of being outside. There’s nothing distinctly biblical about it. However, there is something profoundly good about meeting with God in the middle of the created world He fashioned. Nature has a way of pointing us to Him at every juncture. Psalm 19:1 tells us that, “the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.” As a bonus, outdoor retreats have this advantage: they’re (usually) quiet!
However and wherever you start, we pray God uses the simple practice of solitude in your life to bring you closer to Him.
WE ASKED OUR STAFF ABOUT THEIR favorite places to find solitude:
Andreya Miller: Pumpkin Vine Trail
Mackenzie Thornton: Boot Lake Nature Preserve
Travis Smith: My hunting properties, in the woods high in a tree, or out on the water before sunrise setting up decoys!!!
Alaina Roberts: Cobus Creek County Park, Pokagon State Park
Crystalin Trossen: Bonneyville Mill County Park, Notre Dame Campus (Especially around the lake / Grotto area)
Annie Bechtel: Potato Creek is always nice. Weko Beach / Indiana Dunes have nice areas to walk around.
Phil Byars: My answer is “The Woods”. Not a particular woods…it can be any woods! The Woodland Trails, P.J. Hoffmaster State Park, Dr. T.K. Lawless Park, Ox Bow Park, Sitting in a tree stand in “The Woods” in my backyard! These and many others have offered that place of solitude at differing times throughout the years.
[i] https://www.npr.org/2023/05/02/1173418268/loneliness-connection-mental-health-dementia-surgeon-general#:~:text=The%20report%20released%20on%20Tuesday,experiencing%20measurable%20levels%20of%20loneliness.